Belonging

In a talk called Covenant Marriage, by Elder Bruce C. Hafen, he speaks of marriage being tested by three “wolves.”  These three wolves are natural adversity, the wolf of your own imperfections, and excessive individualism.  I’m going to focus on the third wolf, excessive individualism.

Excessive individualism seems to be the most detrimental to our society.  When people become too focused on themselves and trying to be separate from their spouse it can cause issues in the family unit.  I once had a friend who had gotten divorced and when I asked him why, he said he and his wife decided they didn’t want to belong to each other.  The way he worded it made “belonging” sound like ownership rather than belonging in the sense of a family.  People are afraid of the idea that they belong to someone, but when viewed in the right light, this can actually be a good thing.  For instance, we each belong to a family.  This means we belong to our parents and they belong to us, we belong to our siblings and they belong to us.  If you are married, then you and your spouse belong to one another.  We say things like, “my mom,” “my dad,” “my brother,” “my sister.”  If we don’t belong to one another why would we use the possessive term “my?”

This does not mean you own your family members or they own you in the sense that you own a car. On the web site Psychology Today there is an article called “Why We All Need to Belong to Someone.”  The article starts out with two different definitions of belonging.  First, is belonging in a possessive sense, ownership.  The second, “acceptance as a natural part” is more fitting in the sense of family belonging.  In a family you are accepted as part of the family, when you and your spouse belong to one another you are accepting each other as a natural part of your partnership.  We must also keep in mind that just because we “belong” does not mean that you are not an individual, that you are not your own person.  It is important to find that balance of belonging to someone and being you.  By maintaining your own hobbies and interests while still engaging in activities with your family or spouse you can continue to belong to your family and still be an individual.