Cutting the Apron Strings

I think my parents did a pretty good job with separating from their married children.  We are a tight knit family.  We grew up in the military so we spent a lot of time together.  With 10 kids running around, my parents could hardly wait to be alone again.  Unfortunately, my dad passed away before this could happen.  And yet, my mom still can't wait to be child free, to support and love us all from afar.

When my oldest sister got married we were worried about the holidays, but my sister and her husband came up with a compromise that has seemed to work out for all the married siblings later on.  My brother-in-law's family has Thanksgiving together every other year, so on the off years they came to our family.  My other older sister got married and her husband's family did the same thing and the off years happened to fall on the same years.  For Christmas they usually did all the family stuff with in-laws in the morning and my family would have a dinner and open gifts in the evening.  As our family has grown we've had to make adjustments and compromises.  We started doing a family Christmas party a few nights before Christmas so all the married siblings can spend time on Christmas with their own kids and spouses.  

Even though my family does spend a lot of time together I think those who are married have done a good job "leaving their mother and father."  In chapter 37 from "Creating Healthy Ties with In-Laws and Extended Families" the authors say, "Parents who are secure in their relationships with their children understand that married children can be emotionally close without always having to be present."  Even though my family does a lot together, including a monthly family dinner and a yearly campout.  Our mom also understands that we each have our own lives and may need to miss out on a family event.  She understands that we must each make our own decisions, and she is there to support us in our decisions.  I think with how close knit my siblings and I are, we have found a pretty good balance in spending time with the family we grew up with and the family each sibling has/is creating.

Overall, I think my parents did well following along with the things which Harper and Olsen-Frost taught, it's time to cut the apron strings and cleave unto your wife/husband.