Equality in Partnerships

Reflecting back on how my parents raised us I can certainly see their equal partnership, from making decisions to dividing the work around the house, to taking care of us kids.  My parents accepted the influence of one another and worked together to raise us kids.

In Dr. Richard B Miller's paper, "Who is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families," he talks a little about parents being united in their leadership and being equal partners in their marriage, these two go hand in hand.  I saw a lot of this with my parents growing up.  

Most of the time if you asked dad first he'd say, "what did your mom say?" And if you asked mom first she would see "What did your dad say?"  The would also direct us to ask the other parent if they did not want to give a clear answer.  They supported each other in a decision, so if we didn't like what one said and tried to ask the other they would support the original answer.  We did find a way around this some of the time though.  As we got older us kids discovered that dad was most likely to say yes, so we would ask him first.  That way when he asked what mom said and we told him we hadn't asked her yet he would either say yes or tell us to ask her.  When our parents would send us to ask the other it was more likely to be a yes as well.  Although us older kids learned to manipulate the situation I can never recall a time my parents went against each other in a decision.  If they did, they likely discussed it privately and came to a joint decision.  Their joint decision making was just one example of a partnership in marriage.

Dr. Miller quotes Dr. Ross Eshleman saying, "Joint decision making, sharing marital powers, perceptions of both self and partner doing a fair share of family work, and a feeling of equity appear to be positively related to marital and

relationship satisfaction."    

My parents have been such a great example to me of what an eternal companionship should be like.  They loved each other and each of their children.  They had their ups and downs with each other and us kids, but in the end they still respected one another, made decisions together, and showed us kids how to be an equal partner with your spouse.